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Thread: 1 Year, 10 Months

  1. #1
    Senior Member BigRed82's Avatar
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    That's how long my girlfriend and I have been together until this past wednesday. Sorry about this but I have to vent somewhere.... my family and friends are there for me, but I need to get this out. She broke up with me to date other people while she's in high school. Now please give me your opinions on this, positive/negative, I don't care. But anyways she told me tuesday that I didn't trust her enough, because I called and checked on her a few times while she was with her friends (sometimes because I was worried about her safety and others because I didn't want her to do something that would make me angry or upset, which I know wasn't trusting of me)... So she gave back my promise ring tuesday and told me to keep it until I could trust her. Very next day she tells me that she wants to break up with me. This was after a fairly large fight where older things were brought up that pertain to the break-up but wasn't the direct cause of it, although she said differently at the time. Well she tells me that she wants to break up with me and that she wants to date other guys while she's in high school and spend more time with her friends. You see, we've been dating since she was a freshman, she was 16 years old, i was 17. I was a senior when we started dating because she moved from georgia to tennessee and that sets you back a grade, and plus her birthday fell late so she was two years behind where she was suppose to be. So she says she's missing her "high school days" when she's with me and that she wants to date more than 1 person while she is in high school. So she breaks up with me but says that she still loves me, believes that she'll come running back to me later, and that we will be married one day b/c she thinks we are soul mates. Well what a crock of shit that was...... well part of it. Well next day, thursday, she wakes up and comforts me (btw she has lived with me for about 5-6 months since her parents split up), tells me its going to be ok and that she's going out with her friends that night. She spent the night at a friends house, next day i see her at a high school football game with another guy. I ask her about it, and she says that she just needs time and space away from me, that she still loves me but she wants to date other people. At this point she asks her step-father if she can move back in and he agrees. Ok, that was last night and today she has a date with the guy I saw her with at the football game. I called her today and she still says that she thinks we will get back together, she just needs time and space. I talk to her step-father and her friends and they believe that she still loves me but she is just confused about what she wants right now and a few are convinced that she will come back to me really soon. So now to explain me, I understand that she wants to get the high school experience, but to throw away such a deep relationship (I mean we were talkin marriage when I got out of college), I just don't understand. I haven't ate since wednesday, my best friend made me eat a toaster strudel but whenever I do eat it makes me sick, and last night I got a total of 30 minutes of sleep. It just really hurts because she ignores me and doesn't want to see me break down in front her, so I can't see her. Plus she's "talking" with this other guy and that hurts too, but I just want her back. Everyone I've talked to in person says that I should just wait it out, go out and do stuff.... Which is really hard. And I talked to one of her friends and they said that she knows that she and I will get back together but she wants to see how this turns out with this guy first. So what am I to do? Force myself to understand and go on, or wait on her hoping that she'll come around and realise what she is missing? Or something else completely? I'm sorry this was so long but it has helped alot to get this out.

    Justin

  2. #2
    Senior Member frEk's Avatar
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    damn man, that kinda shit sucks.........ok before i start, i don't know her, the relationship, or even you really........but i do know the situation, pretty well actually..........so here's my opinion:

    she is giving you a big helping of bullshit, her "high school" needs aren't being met? what does that even mean? i see it as, "i'm not mature enough for this" she loves you and wants to get back together? but wants to fuck around with other people? while you do what? sit around and wait for her? wondering if you'll get her back? while it eats at you, and if you do get back together, she'll know that she has a validated permission slip to do pretty much whatever she wants. and do you think it's a coincidence that she came up with these needs at the same exact time she meets this guy? i think there's a little more causality in the situation than that. and people are telling you to wait it out? that's the worst thing you can do, that's what really fucks you up in this situation, it's worse than breaking up cuz at least when you break up you know that shit's off, but this in between emotional state'll fuck yo mind like crazy, i been there man and no good ever came from it at all.....your always left in the end hangin on until you finally realize just let the fuck go, so you gotta think of it this way: go through weeks/months of being fucked up and "waiting it out" or just cut the cord now, which you'll most definitely wind up doin in the end anyway.......save yourself all that drama, cuz i don't think your in need of those "high school days" at this point in your life............and again, this is my opinion and it should be known, if it is not yet evident, that i am somewhat bitter toward shit, but again i speak from experience which i honestly think you'll be able to do in the same manner if you "wait it out".......good luck either way

  3. #3
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    red...dude...my deepest prayers for you bro....seriously man...i honestly dont know what too say.....Coz..your thoughts please....

  4. #4
    Senior Member Deity's Avatar
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    Ok, now for some female's advice...and this is just my opinion of things as well...

    To me it would seem as though she has had interest in this guy for a while, and was looking for a reason to break it off with you just so she could 'see' him and probably have sex with him too. Unfortunately, she is telling you one thing when her heart feels another. She is stringin you along in hopes you will wait for her if this guy doesnt work out for her...i know about this all too well, and it is sad that girls do this to guys all the time, especially to those who dont deserve it--the nice guys.

    I do believe she does still love you, but for whatever reason, she has lost interest in your current relationship; either it is going too fast or not fast enough. Maybe she wants to see what it would be like to be with another guy...2 years is a fairly long relationship in high school ( i personally met my first long term boyfriend my sophomore year and we were together for almost 5 years) and maybe since you have been going out for so long together she feels she needs a change, to test the waters...

    Whether or not she will be back to you is hard to say, but again like i said i think she wants to see how things will turn out with this other guy first. If he ends up being an asshole to her she will come crawling back to you with her tail in-between her legs...and since you love her so much and care about her you will take her back, and possibly she will still be unhappy with you (if that is why she wants to break it off for now) and she will just do it to you again and again...totally taking advantage of you and having raw disregard for your feelings...

    I think you should try your best to detach yourself from her. i know that this is hard to do when you love someone so much, and to have them leave you like that just crushes you inside, but as Frek said, you just need to just cut your losses now before it hurts you worse later. The longer you stay on her marionette strings like this, the more you will be hurt in the end. You shouldnt shut her off completely from a friendship standpoint, but she needs to know you cant just wait around for her until she is done messin around with other guys. Tell her how you feel, and be up front. Make her be upfront too, no bullshit...if she has lost interest with you, tell her you need to know now so you arent led on any further. Let her know that if she still wants you she needs to be committed to you NOW or you will not take her back later on. You shouldnt have to put up with her mindgames. I would say she maybe genuinely needs to figure you guys out, but if that were the case she wouldnt have hooked up so quickly with another guy, so in my opinion she just wanted to go with someone else...

    Best of luck to you Justin...sorry to hear another nice guy has fallen victim to the stereotypical female. You can always come to the forum to vent or seek advice, and i am glad we are here for each other.
    Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry...

  5. #5

    dude let her go...it's not worth fighting

  6. #6
    waiting for Spring Louis85's Avatar
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    [Louis' 2 cents]

    Red, man I think Dee's advice was right on the money. You can't WILL someone to love you, either they do or they don't. And you can't let yourself be used by this chick, no matter how much you love her, which we all know you do. In my day, I believe the expression was: "Don't play the punk." It's not fair that you should have to wait for her to do her thang and then come back to you after she's done. The breakups hurt like hell at first, but each day gets better and better. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to come around. As Dee said, she hooked up with this dude pretty dang quick, so she could have had her eye on him BEFORE she broke up with you.



    If she does NOT come back to you, you have to move on to that next better soul mate. Don't get caught up in the fantasy that everyone only has one soul mate. That is complete and total bullshit mathmatically and emotionally. You may have THOUSANDS out there, and you're never going to have a chance with any of them, if you are still pining over this one. All promise rings aside, you are young and have lots of time to get "serious". Don't settle for anything less than someone who loves you unconditionally and wants to be with you and only you.

    If she does come back to you, you might want to try and be a little less controlling of her life and trust her a little more. Without trust, you guys really don't have the kind of relationship that's marriage material. Young men have to learn how to handle their relationships like everything else in life. No one is an expert in that field without experience. Good luck man, I hope things work out for you.

    [End of Louis' 2 cents]

    Louis :umm:
    I love the summer months!

  7. #7
    From Outta Space! Cozmo D's Avatar
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    Damm Justin, I'm really sorry for your pain man.

    Unfortunately (in a way), everybody's response so far has been right on the fukkin money...and Deity's was pure gold.

    I have written before about the "loop" that occurs in many american teenage relationships, and believe me you are right now in the thick of it. It's also compounded by the fact that ya'll have actually lived together at such a young age...I know your pain has to be serious man.

    Listen, I know it's hard for you to see it now, but this, at this point of your life, might very well be the best thing that could happen to you. If she had turned up pregnant it could have fukked up the track of your entire life. Believe me, she has never truely "loved" you, not nescesarily because she was deceiving you, but because she lacked the capacity to know what love truely is. At any rate, there is no doubt that she has been after this guy for a minnit...SO CONSIDER HER GONE!

    It's time for self preservation now Justin. Get sumthin to eat man, and thank God for a new day. Check a few of those young hot chix that have been sweatin you (yeah, you know there's been some). You were together for 1 year and 10 months, which I know at your age seems like forever, but believe me it's not. If you had been married for that amount of time you would still be considered newlyweds. Shit, you were in fukkin junior high longer than that.

    Another thing...DO NOT TAKE HER BACK!!! At least, not back into your heart, not until she is at least 21 or so. If you do she will just do this to you again...GUARANTEED!!! You can date her (or fukk her) if YOU feel strong enough to handle it without catching feelings for her again, but if not, keep her at arm's length.

    Believe me Justin, we are all giving you some very good and sound advice. If you allow her to have her way she will just string you along like a yo-yo, breaking your heart over and over again. The fact that she woke up to comfort you, then ran over to her friend's house so she could hook up with that dude makes it all pretty fukkin obvious. You will actually be doing her a favor by not allowing her to use you this way, because it may help to teach her that it is a wrong way to treat somebody. If you allow her to get away with it, it may become learned behavior, and a pattern that she will repeat throughout her life. KICK HER TO THE CURB MAN!!!

    Go find yourself a few hot little 15-17 year old chix and have some fun. Just make sure you treat them fairly and honestly (and teach them to do the same). AND STOP TRYING TO FALL IN LOVE...because love comes naturally.

    EZ
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    Yeah...

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  8. #8
    Senior Member BigRed82's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the advice people, its all helped alot, and my family and friends are telling me the exact same thing that you have. I have been an emotional wreck up until this morning... I never knew I could be in such a dark and depressed state. But I feel better right now than I did. I packed her clothes and her things with my family while she was out with her friends, and that guy, (which was really really hard, and they cried when I cried). I feel better now because I went and talked to her at her work place (she asked me to come) and I kind of have a feeling of closure about the whole situation, not completely, but enough to get me by until I can gain more hope. She told me today that she still loved me, was still in love with me, and even believes that we are going to get back together and even marry one day. She said that she just needs time and space. I asked her about the guy and she says that they aren't dating, just "kinda talking." And then she would say "what does it matter to you anyways?" and I would tell her nothing, it doesn't matter to me. But I told her I couldn't understand why if she loved me, she needs to date other people, and if she really loved me she wouldn't have broke up with me and hurt me like she has done. She said that she has hurt just as much as I as, and that she doesn't want to wonder "what IF" about this guy. So i told her that if she really thought that we were meant to be then she wouldn't have to wonder, ya know? She says that yeah you still do and that I had hurt her just as bad as she has me, when I brought up her mom's boyfriend. I told her that I apologized for that, but you can't really apologize for breaking up with somebody. This is where it gets kind of confusing. She tells me that her best friend told her that she was probably making a big mistake and she says "Yeah, and I probably am, in fact I know I am." And I told her that she doesn't believe that or else she wouldn't have left me and hurt me like she has, and if she did, she would have already come back. She said not necessarily and that she needed this. I told her that I still loved her, and I do.. and that I can't understand why she can throw away such a special relationship that we had and right now (i know i was in the moment at hand) if she asked me to take her back, i would probably take her back, but a week or month from now, I don't see us ever being together again. She said that for some reason she did believe that we would be back together (and she's told her friends and her step-father this as well whom i've talked to). She also told me that this guy had asked her to prom and that she was thinking about it right now. If you hadn't already guessed, we had planned on going to her prom this year. She said this just to hurt me, just like telling me that she got drunk at a party friday and that she hadn't been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day (because she had been thinking about this situation she says). When I gave her stuff back to her, she made sure I saw her puff a cigarette before I left... I couldn't help but think how childish. Some things this girl is immature about and other things she is more mature than I am. For instance, she worked two jobs every day of the week to pay for her car and phone bill. I also told her about my family being so hurt by her ... how we've opened up our hearts and home for her and she drops me and the rest of us on a dime... My mom even signed for her to get a cell phone, I paid her car payment a couple times. I made sure she took medicine when she was sick, I helped with her other bills, I comforted her when her mom was pissed or mean to her, I bought her anything she wanted... and I do mean anything (that i could afford at least), I took her wherever she wanted to eat... places like red lobster, outback, o'charley's, chili's and applebees.... and she threw this all away. She even admitted, like everyone else has told me, that she will never find another person to love her and treat her as good as I did. She said she doesn't understand why she's doing this but she feels its what she needs to do. She also said that her mom told her that she was a G.D. bitch and that she had always treated me bad, she said her sister cussed her as well and that her mom was threatening to take her to court to get her to move to where she lives. Her family is a little umm.... un-steady i guess you could say, which is why she lived with me. I'm sure that her living with me may have caused some of this, or at least sped it up, but at the time it seemed the best thing to do and we can't really change it now. The shock of this all is what hurt the most, one day we're perfectly fine and the next she wants to break up. Last night hurt pretty bad b/c I was coming from my older sister's house and she and her "guy" got behind me (out of all odds) and he was driving her car too. I'm still hurt but since I know and she knows that we probably won't get back together anytime soon, I finally have a little bit of closure. Oh yeah, and one last thing..... I'm sure you're glad if you taken the time to read all of this and thank you if you have..... right when I walked in she said "why did you go and talk to ______." She said one of her friend's names, a girl I went and talked to for comfort over this. She said "do you have a thing for her or something?" Obviously very jealous. But I don't plan on making chasing her friends down or anything just to get information on her. If she wants to talk to me, she can call me and I told her it was fine to, and she said the same for her. I suppose my plan is to just move on and take things as they come and If we are really really really meant to be together by some sort of destiny or fate or divine intervention, then it will happen (and not soon, i know and understand). What do ya'll think?

  9. #9

    my number is 706-635-3837 if you wanna talk

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    It's hard to let go when you truly love someone.

    Things happen for a reason. It doesn't seem to make sense at first, but it all comes back around. You two may very well end up married, who knows?

    love
    Elizabeth

  11. #11
    PM Dawn Lover 4 Life! dreamrib's Avatar
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    Hey there Justin. I'd have to agree with Frek & most everyone here. She is finding her non-guilty way out. I know because i've been there before. its the way to not loose you, do what she wants, and in her mind not get any slack for it. Of course we know it's impossible to just let someone go, but its the only way you wont' drive yourself nuts. You've been devoted & she's lost her way. yeah you guys might make it back together, it happens. I know it happend with me. but having those ties & false hopes do nothing but keep you tied. Your not thinking of dating anyone else right now anyway, but your totally not knowing she is going to be there & you "might" have a chance.
    Thats now how you should live your life. Because she's not giving you that respect so you need to stand up & give it to yourself. I've been the one in her shoes. She probably does love you & does need space, but she's found the non-guilty breakup clause. You are the only one who can stand up for you. You have to deciede how much you are willing to take. Some can take it, some can't.....
    its a damn difficult situation to be in but you've got to do the mature thing even if she can't. Sorry to ramble...hope that helps!!


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  12. #12
    TBA Brian221's Avatar
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    ...understanding, patience, and sacrifice is the key...
    ...relationships are never wasted time unless you don't learn from your experience...

    I learned more about myself in a 4 year releationship that went all the way to engagement, then I ended it because I was mistreated, taken advantage of, and too mature for her......you're too young to be in a long-standing serious relationship...get out, have fun...live for a while...then you'll find someone who's truly right for you.

    bRiAn

  13. #13
    Senior Member atma's Avatar
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    amen, bruva.

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