tell a story thread

And the winner of the wet T-shirt competition wins a years supply of personality and esteem-boosting lessons.

Second place wins and A lifetime supply of reusable condoms and dental gaurds!!!

3rd gets a personal ab crunching lesson from louis

fourth gets to eat lobster at burger king :fawkdance:

Hey syxx....is it ham or HAMM from a cartoon?? Who said left water ski?? John Ratzenburger......??


What does all of these characters have to do with batman and catwoman...michelle pfeiffer....in the same story.

5th place wins an autographed "Viagra vandal" handheld.

I wonder when batman begins......begins....

new harvey dent....new joker......new....gangsters......all very young......coming back...from the dead...........turning back the time.....in gotham city.

eating cheeseburgers at wachovia bank under a beach umbrella with hermaphrodite transistor leprachauns.. :bigthumb:

and 6th gets an electronic whoopie cushion...

And then Ozzy Osbourne goes on Jay Leno with Sharon Osbourne and says "If you can't beat em Join em"

And it just so happens it was the closing episode of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and all the people rejoiced, 'cause it was never as good as when Carson hosted it.

Of course when Carson was mentioned it wasn't in reference to our Johnny but to "Boots up my ass" Dailey(of tha Carson Variety)
Demensia had set it and the mocking flamingo reaffirmed that....

Demntia only happens to old people says the flamingo

the flamingo was chartreuse,,,,not pink...which led to a wicked case of hopscotch vertigo.,....

before the flamingo joined david blaine on a daring stunt which involved a tower, fire, glass and a stuffed ostrich

Even the flamingo was amazed by the wild and crazy tricks that Blaine could do. The stuffed ostrich had seen it all before tho and wasn't having any of Blaine's CRAPPOLA....

For the ostrich was a worldly bird, who had escaped from an ostrich farm from southwest Nevada. It was a farm that tried to firmly establish ostrich meat as a consumer product--"Ostrich...A Better and Leaner White Meat!"

Being a worldly bird this ostrich knew he had to get out of that getting eaten racket. The proprietor of said ranch was a Cedric Von Piggly who unbeknownst to our Ostrich friend was in fact a pig (in more sense than one) .....

in a previous life our friend was sally struthers who ate the children she should have been feeding! :ohnoes9:

and then danny bonnaducci started a farm which contained kid stars.. yeah a farm of baby goats who appeared in miami vice in the mid 80s.. soon it became a burgeoning theme park but he was secretly using said park to smuggle in hoards of drugs and naked midgets

Bonnaducci needed a front man cuz the damn pigs were already hip to danny boys old games! So in order to keep a low profile, danny b. a.k.a. D-Bone, teamed up with M.J. and called this place of neverending pleasure...neverland

and then mj moved to south park where is son blanket was patched up and boo boo cleansed by none other than stan marsh!

Who we all know is the son of Randy Marsh who lives 100% up to his first name as he is quit Randy. In fact the other day Randy and his randy-self were out and about....

where the randy sonofabish met a young randy thing that liked to pee on his leg..but enough about r. kelly while he was walking the street he ran into what he thought was jack black who was offering blow jobs ..bonus rubber chicken included

You can't turn down a bonus rubber chicken noted the Randy-fellow. This Jack Black-ish blow-job maestro will do and do nicely or not so nicely. Looking deeply into the rubber chicken's eye's during the apex of Blow-dom Randy knew true love.

he became infatuated with the rubber chicken..and soon he appeared on jerry springer in the episode "i married my rubber chicken" this brought him fame and notoriety.. people would come up to him in the street and say wheres your rubber chicken to which he replied down my pants, he then became friends with pee wee herman and started hanging out at XXX theatres where he would indulge in all his fantasies with mrs rubber chicken..but then she started cheating on him with pee wee herman...

quack moo! said the chicken cow...who whoomped a noodles ass!

That noodles ass took a beatin Deep south style! It was from that sever noodle-ass beating that Clover the lawn-mower dethrowner remarked "Why if i had some catcus filled with spiders my plan would work PERFECTLY". Oh course Clover....

was soon found dead in his home after snortin cocaine off sum prostitutes ass

And after further research, and much to our surprise, that prostitute turned out to be the infamous Monica Lewinsky, fresh from a book signing. Oh and by the way, the title of her book: 'Arrr She Blows (which is commonly mistaken for a sequel to the Herman Melville classic.)

Herman Melville should not however be confused with Mel the cook on Alice. While both known for their vast talents and both known for their Dickness...there is a difference. It was upon me saying this that Mel chimed in "Stow it dingbat". At least i think it was Mel.....

quackmoo said the chicken cow..obviously confused at its lack of duckness!

The Raven was ready to be quoted at this point however it was also quite befuddled with all this quackmoo-ishness. The aardvark took this as his chance to be quoted ---Quote the Aardvark....

forever more i will be stuck at the front of the dictionary.. take that you fuckin zebra!

And isn't it ironic that the zebras and the ravens have a connection. For it is the zebras (otherwise known as referees) that always seem to give the Baltimore Ravens all the crucial calls on the football field, enabling them to actually win a Superbowl.

The irony is not lost. It was because of this Aardvark comment that the Zebra's and Raven came to be in cahoots. Also these two have made it a point using there "power" to not let in any team called the Aardvarks. If J.D. Salinger wasn't such a recluse he'd fight for Aardvarkian rights ....

it was a superbowl...of crispix that was eaten by the ardvark this morning as he waited for his morning suntan in the evening rain

the aardvark began reading catcher in the rye..and then it dawned on him..his purpose in life was to kill all ravens and zebras.. so he set out to rid them from the earth

after which he took mark david chapman out for an icecream and a weekly snog behind the irradescent meadow