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We deeply regret the appalling incident that occurred during halftime celebrations at the Super Bowl yesterday. For 40 years and more our league has been tantalizing our fans with partial views of women's breasts. We have been committed to showing cleavage and, failing that, the outline of women's breasts on our cheerleaders, in the commercials of our sponsors, the silhouettes of our network sideline reporters and the crowd shots by our network broadcast teams - to titillate and to fill downtime. We have hoped that our viewers would discuss women's breasts and imagine women's breasts, speculate on their authenticity, ponder nipple color and size, daydream of seizing those spongy masses and twisting them this way and then that way, of burying one's face in them like a spaniel at the dinner bowl. Above all, we have hoped that our viewers will associate women's breasts with the National Football League.
But we never meant to show you the whole thing. We sincerely regret that our half-century long tease overshot its mark yesterday. We urge our viewers to forgive us, and to continue to content themselves with veils and innuendo in our future seasons.
P.S. And no pussy. Ever. Quite.
Sincerely,
Paul Tagliabue
NFL Commissioner
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