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Thread: How coffee beans ruined my life

  1. #1
    Say the whole thing Wheeljak's Avatar
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    How coffee beans ruined my life

    This happened several years ago.
    My cousin was in town, and I was showing him around my city. Back then, Ybor City (Tampa's nightclub district) was the place to be. I took him there to show him the local nightlife, and since he doesn't drink, we were making a stop at a coffee shop in Ybor. There was a long line in the coffee shop; about a ten-minute wait. The management took advantage of this by placing a gumball machine about midway through the line. If you put a quarter in the machine, you'd get a handful of chocolate-covered espresso beans which were not only delicious, but were great fuel for a night out dancing. I got a quarter's worth, and was happily munching away. In front of me, a woman turned around to ask me for the time.
    She was gorgeous. Women that pretty never talk to me, so I didn't read much into "Do you have the time?" I told her what my watch said with a detached courtesy. Just as I was about to resume my conversation with my cousin, I felt a gentle tug on my arm. I turned around to answer the tug, and whaddaya know... it was the pretty girl again-- She did want to start a conversation with me! I guess "Do you have the time" is as good an opening line as I've ever used...
    We started chatting, and my eyes brightened. From just a couple of sentences, I could tell that she was not only beautiful, but smart, too. We continued chatting, and the corners of my mouth turned up. Not only was she beautiful and smart, but she was witty enough to make me grin. She was so easy to talk to; my heart was fluttering. The formless girl of my dreams was quickly coalescing in the image of this woman.
    But wait-- there was more! After talking to her some more, I found out that, not only was she beautiful, smart, and witty enough to make me grin, but she was also funny-- so funny, that I couldn't help but laugh out loud at a joke she told.
    That's when I remembered that the inside of my mouth was stained black with the sludge of a handful of chocolate coffee beans.
    It was too late to keep my mouth from opening wide; it's like when you lock your keys in the car, and you don't remember that you left your keys in the car until a split second too late to stop the car door from closing.

    I don't know exactly how my teeth looked at that moment, but judging from the way her face went from pleasant to aghast as if a switch had been flipped, I have a pretty good idea that I looked pretty bad.

    I never even learned her name.

    And that's how chocolate covered espresso beans ruined my life.
    "What, Wheeljak? You fell in that open manhole?
    How is that possible?
    I posted 'CAUTION: OPEN MANHOLE' on my Facebook page!"

  2. #2
    Gota put me on Moe's Avatar
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    there is opourtunity in this.

    you must make something from it so you dont look at it as a horrible part of your life.


    write a song.

    james blunt has a song about a girl he saw in a subway that he never talked to.

    not that it matters that much but it is a hit.
    www.moerockmusic.com

    PM Dawn for life.

  3. #3
    Say the whole thing Wheeljak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moe
    there is opourtunity in this.
    you must make something from it so you dont look at it as a horrible part of your life.
    I don't look at it that way at all; I think it's a funny story. The story is me being facetious.
    I do appreciate your concern, but you don't need to worry; my emotional well-being is not in jeopardy.

    write a song.
    About coffee beans? Unfortunately, it would take a person who is much more clever than I to write a song about coffee beans that anyone besides coffee merchants would want to listen to.
    "What, Wheeljak? You fell in that open manhole?
    How is that possible?
    I posted 'CAUTION: OPEN MANHOLE' on my Facebook page!"

  4. #4
    Regulator Terrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moe
    james blunt has a song about a girl he saw in a subway that he never talked to.

    the restaraunt or a subway subway?


    "that's pretty deep stuff. that's not, 'yo yo yippy yo yo bling bling, smack a bitch.'"
    "when i eat chicken nuggets....they don't look like they're in pain...but i believe that they were.."

  5. #5
    Regulator Terrick's Avatar
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    i actually read the story, and...damn, that's a sad story.


    "that's pretty deep stuff. that's not, 'yo yo yippy yo yo bling bling, smack a bitch.'"
    "when i eat chicken nuggets....they don't look like they're in pain...but i believe that they were.."

  6. #6
    From Outta Space! Cozmo D's Avatar
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    You see, that's when you go "Damm, I'm sorry, I bet the inside of my mouth looks pretty damm disgusting right now, doesn't it." Believe me, if I had even the slightest idea that a woman as beautiful and smart and as funny as you would turn around and talk to me I wouldn't have dared to eat even a single bean!" "Please forgive me and I promise you I will never eat the filthy nasty things again!"
    Alright
    Tap the lightpole and we'll be jammin all night
    And ain't nobody callin' the cops
    'Cause everybody's here freakin', if they're older they're doin the rock
    And every block from all around
    Comes runnin' to the park when they hear the sound
    And soon the word's spreadin' through our part of town
    "Yo, 40 Park y'all, Jam-On's gettin down"
    Yeah...

    Jam-On Productions:Website Forum

  7. #7
    Gota put me on Moe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cozmo D
    You see, that's when you go "Damm, I'm sorry, I bet the inside of my mouth looks pretty damm disgusting right now, doesn't it." Believe me, if I had even the slightest idea that a woman as beautiful and smart and as funny as you would turn around and talk to me I wouldn't have dared to eat even a single bean!" "Please forgive me and I promise you I will never eat the filthy nasty things again!"

    lmfao
    www.moerockmusic.com

    PM Dawn for life.

  8. #8
    Barney Freakin' Rubble
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cozmo D
    You see, that's when you go "Damm, I'm sorry, I bet the inside of my mouth looks pretty damm disgusting right now, doesn't it." Believe me, if I had even the slightest idea that a woman as beautiful and smart and as funny as you would turn around and talk to me I wouldn't have dared to eat even a single bean!" "Please forgive me and I promise you I will never eat the filthy nasty things again!"
    Or you smile and ask "Are you into scat?"
    Peace

  9. #9
    Barney Freakin' Rubble
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    Quote Originally Posted by pmFan
    Or you smile and ask "Are you into scat?"
    "Do you want some chew?"
    Peace

  10. #10
    Banned wendyful04's Avatar
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    If it were me, I would have asked if I could lick the inside of your mouth clean.


    Shoot, now I have that "Doo Doo Brown" song stuck in my head.



    Dang, now the 2 Live Crew doo doo brown remix of "Come On Baby" is in there too!

    Thanks, Wheel!

  11. #11
    Say the whole thing Wheeljak's Avatar
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    Where was Harmeister that night when I needed him? He could have warned me to steer clear of the evil coffee beans.
    Oh, wait... that wouldn't have helped. Not only would I have avoided the beans, but I would not have gone into the coffee shop in the first place, to experience that chance encounter.

    At the very least, I got a story out of it...
    "What, Wheeljak? You fell in that open manhole?
    How is that possible?
    I posted 'CAUTION: OPEN MANHOLE' on my Facebook page!"

  12. #12
    Barney Freakin' Rubble
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    Quote Originally Posted by wendyful04
    Shoot, now I have that "Doo Doo Brown" song stuck in my head.
    BAAAAH! Now Doo Doo Brown keeps going on in *my* head - gross!
    Peace

  13. #13
    Say the whole thing Wheeljak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pmFan
    BAAAAH! Now Doo Doo Brown keeps going on in *my* head - gross!
    Y'all need to give it a rest.
    "What, Wheeljak? You fell in that open manhole?
    How is that possible?
    I posted 'CAUTION: OPEN MANHOLE' on my Facebook page!"

  14. #14
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    great... now it is stuck in my head too...

  15. #15
    Senior Member Mistress M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cozmo D
    You see, that's when you go "Damm, I'm sorry, I bet the inside of my mouth looks pretty damm disgusting right now, doesn't it." Believe me, if I had even the slightest idea that a woman as beautiful and smart and as funny as you would turn around and talk to me I wouldn't have dared to eat even a single bean!" "Please forgive me and I promise you I will never eat the filthy nasty things again!"
    Wait! that reminds me of a song too! oh yeah..."no need to ask, he's a smooth operator..."

    “Sometimes we just need someone to show us something we can’t see for ourselves.”

  16. #16
    Senior Member Etherspin's Avatar
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    in your defence, those dark choc beans are the shiz
    "One day the absurdity of the almost universal human belief in the slavery of other animals will be palpable. We shall then have discovered our souls and become worthier of sharing this planet with them."
    ~Martin Luther King Jr.

  17. #17
    pm dawn fam til infinity Hero1's Avatar
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    I loved that story
    I've got amnesia.. I can't remember..

  18. #18
    Banned wendyful04's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wheeljak
    Y'all need to give it a rest.

    now it's in my head again

  19. #19
    Custom User Title justafan's Avatar
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    good story, interesting.

    Moe, fwiw, that James Blunt song was about his X-gf that he saw again in the subway.
    fullamyself, sickamyself, truetamyself

    I will always be myself - through the good times and the bad.

  20. #20
    waiting for Spring Louis85's Avatar
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    Nice story Wheel.
    I love the summer months!

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