Suicide Note Generator

[SaintHax]

http://www.porkjerky.com/suicide.htm


here's mine

Listen Up Dumbfucks:


Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say Jason's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,

Jason

P.S. Don't do an autopsy this is definitely suicide.

[syxxpm]

um.....NOMINATION :ughwerd:

[Rumi_Philosophie]

I seriously hope that this is a joke. Because that is soo not funny. And although you banned me back in the day,I would not like to hear that you've killed yourself.

[SaintHax]

Forum A) posted link and note I made everyone runs to go make one and posts their own notes, we read each others notes, everyone laughs, etc.

Forum B) posted link and note I made everyone freaks out

now which forum should I leave?

[Chief]

dont sweat it..i found it histarical...

[Chief]

heres mine

Dear World;


I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.

Viva Life,



The Dude


P.S. I cemented/superglued all my orifices shut, so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.

[DJ Detroit Butcher]

Hell yeah chief. If I ever commit suicide, I wanna go out just like that.

[Cozmo D]

Originally posted by SaintHax@Feb 28 2004, 11:25 AM
Forum A) posted link and note I made everyone runs to go make one and posts their own notes, we read each others notes, everyone laughs, etc.

Forum B) posted link and note I made everyone freaks out

now which forum should I leave?

Only got 2 freak-outs, but I do agree that there seems to be a very serious comprehension disease going around here.

PEEPS! THE TITLE OF THE THREAD IS SUICIDE NOTE GENERATOR!!!

[Elizabeth]

I LOVE mine.




Dear Ungrateful World;


Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Elizabeth, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,



Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Elizabeth


P.S. I hope all that jesus and god and heaven bullshit is real.

[Harmeister]

<disclaimer>
I have never felt like taking my own life, never even been depressed for more than an hour or two, so this is in no-wise true on any account. On the other hand, I personally worked at McDonalds from when I was 15 1/2 - 18 and really like McRibs, each and every "limited time"
</disclaimer>

Dear Fellow Pawns;


For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.

Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Dean. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.


Sincerely,



Dean


P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

[dreamrib]

omg, I think Liz is the funnest so far, next has to be Harms.

I gotta try this....

[dreamrib]

Liz, Lol, I said I liked your....went to do mine, and got Yours! hahah


Dear Ungrateful World;


Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Lisa, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,



Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Lisa


P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.