desperately in need of some advice...from someone anyone

first of all what you have to understand is that prior to "set adrift" I NEVER HAD A GYRLFRIEND....i guess i just never had the confedence to just go for it....anyhoot... i need a new gyrlfriend...now usually my women overlap each other especially when i can feel a relationship deteriorating....i absolutely hate to be without love for any real long period of time...and for someone like me 2 years is long enough....so here's my dilemna.....How does a "trapper" become a "Hunter"....

For all those that have no idea what i'm saying...the theory goes as follows...

there are 2 types of men....there are hunters...and there are trappers...i am usually / normally a trapper...i set up my traps....i put them in various places...and whatever gets caught...i eat...quite literally.... and you gotta get to em with the quickness or they go bad or they'll get eaten by sumthin else....the problem with this is you're only as good as your traps=friends and situations that provoke instant emotional responses i.e. and this concerns you cheif...weddings-funerals-graduations-proms...and the biggest problem with trapping is the reason i want to convert...you absolutely can not be picky...if you trap a rabbit you're eating a rabbit....if you trap a chicken...you're eating chicken.....and if you trap a pig...guess what...and also....ALSO...you almost never ever ever ever trap a cow or a horse

now hunters get to hunt exactly what they want to eat...now granted they don't always get to eat it but they do get to see it first and map out how they want it to cook....they got all the fancy equipment....a few hot one liners or some blingage that can sniper someone at long distance...or run up on someone...hit em over the head with a club and drag they ass home....

so you see ....i need to get my ass in a sniper class because it's hunting season and this time i want a friggin dinosaur

hollah
b.

be both

seeing as how this is advice from a 27 year old homosexual virgin,,you may wanna take this with a grain of salt....

see....a girl......
try to initiate conversation......
if you get the b variant (where she doesnt say shes taken....)
continue....this is not going to be a one day thing...trust try talking a little bit to her each day...(show off that smile and crack some awkward jokes)..find out what shes interested in....if you like it...slip references....if not and she asks...say...im not into that but do you like this....do something nice for her....by her a drink(can even be a soda) ask her if she needs a ride home(even if she has a car)if a week goes by and shes not attempting a brush off or giving a nervous smile when you walk through the door....then youve got something....

take her out to a movie....or stay in and rent one...."dont try board games as women invariably cheat at parchese"....dont talk about any relationship disasters youve had UNTIL she tells you all the stuff that she has (empathy is great for a couple at times)...dont tell her about any of the family stuff UNTIL she unloads any of her problems on you....heres the point i would say just show her that loveable and insightful side of you that you showed me and if she is human it will melt her heart like land o lakes....

eventually as for the bedroom....try to be as don juan de marco as you possibly can be the first time....(unless she likes getting tea bagged)...
and tell her any vulnerable romantic stuff approx 5 minutes after you spooge,,,,make sure your lieing next to her staring at the ceiling witha glazed expression on your face...(and remember party sox are dopy when knocking boots)keep in mind she probably wont suck your toes the first time...."just work on her"......

oh and...if shes a horrible lay....after shes done toweling you off....give her the phone number to an arbys in rahway..........then again this may or may not have been the best advice ive ever attempted giving

Try being a scavenger. Look on the side of the road for a cow, deer, horse or whatever your in to. After a big freakin' truck hits one, be there to pick them up. Put on some "Faith In You" and watch the healing process begin. Worked for me.
I wasn't bold enough to be a hunter or smart enough to be a trapper.

how about just being yourself? you're gonna have to eventually..if you're a trapper you're a trapper ;)

better to be a trapper then a trapper keeper cuz than the papers just get all disorganized and messy.....

from the hunter perspective,you still dont have to have one liners and bling,unless you wanna meet all your ladies at clubs? Be , you got more high profile things under your belt than one liners or bling have u not?
female friends who can talk you up to the woman you like are invaluable as well i think... when u huntin it makes a result all that more satisfying eh. and it aint just what happened to end up in dat old net.

dude , you'd make an excellent hunter without even needing the usual superficial trump cards.

fingers crossed for ya at finding the one of your dreams. (or her finding you)..

yeah.. theres another perspective.. haha make yourself well known in many circles and tease their trigger fingers :)

I tend to think it comes down to a mixture of self confidence, looks and attitude. This is just an observation, cuz I have never been a hunter, I AM the trap. I've rarely been the one to make the first move, I always let girls come to me, and I did alright before I got married. Syxx, you're pretty smart about talking to girls, considering you don't dance that way. Right on brotha. What's always pissed me off is once I'm hooked up with someone, suddenly all the girls i liked and wanted to ask out, are all over me, but only when I'm commited to someone else. Why didn't you say something before????

I don't know about all the hunter/trapper business (I'll have to think about THAT one) but here's some good advice - for all of you guys.

If you want to sleep with a girl, you'll have to figure out how and I can't tell you how because every girl is different... If/when the sex thing comes into play and you're not positive that she's as 'up to it' as you are: ASK.

For example, "Can I touch you?" you say with a confident-yet-worshipping expression on your face.

This will avoid so many problems.

PS- I do the same 'overlap' thing too. I haven't been without a boyfriend since I was 16.

I guess I have always been a trapper - but not exactly as you put it. Some trappers are picky and do throw back those they don't want. Case in point, I had 2 girls wanting my attention... I threw one back (didn't call her, kept blowing her off), and picked up on the other. The one I picked up on I married - about 10 years later... Sometimes I was a bit aggressive, but to me, it is just baiting the trap heavy sometimes... I usually let them come to me...

I agree with Hero, though. If you are looking for anything that you might want to last - be yourself ;) . On the other hand, if you are looking for something quick and temporary, spit-shine the trophy and let it sparkel in a club :cool: - just don't expect a keeper - only someone who is looking for the sparkel and would expect it all the time... :eek:

I would say to just be yourself and hang out with more/different folks and friends than you have been. Go to other people's parties - see who they have coming around. Maybe Wendy can hook you up with some awesome Miami parties... Clubbing down there was really fun last time I went...

Quote:

Originally Posted by samedeepwaterasyou

What's always pissed me off is once I'm hooked up with someone, suddenly all the girls i liked and wanted to ask out, are all over me, but only when I'm commited to someone else. Why didn't you say something before????

You've touched upon one of THE basic similarities between women and men. Male and female alike are controlled by a character flaw called covetousness. We don't desire anything unless we know that someone else wants it. The tendency to be more desirous of that which is desired by others is a basic component of human nature; every economy that humankind has devised is based on this trait that we all share.
We even tend to speak ill of the people who want what we consider undesirable! I'm sure that you have heard dozens of unkind names for people who date those that aren't considered attractive by prevalent standards.
We desire the ones with beautiful bodies, without regard to whether that beautiful body is the container for a beautiful soul. We are even willing to step all over the ones who are beautiful on the inside, just to get to the ones with the beautiful bodies. And to make things worse, we allow others to define for us what beauty is! You can subsitute "beauty" with "wealth" or "fame"-- one is analogous to the other.
So why do we do all of this? We let the apparent desires of others influence us so deeply, that we allow ourselves to forget our own most genuine desires. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize how many of the things we do, are done just to impress others; things which are not at all fulfilling to us.
Is our desire to be envied really that much more important to us than our desire for love? Somehow, it seems that it is. It's sick and it's depressing, but hey, that's my take on human nature.

ok maybe that post was a lil too long and indepth i guess i was just in the vomitting mood but all i need is a few good bullets....i wanna know how to be a hunter from a hunters perspective...i don't really have too many hunters available to me round these parts...but i should'a guess most the fellas round here for trappers....no offence but hunter are usually assholes.....search your feelings you know this to be true....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Be

ok maybe that post was a lil too long and indepth

Sorry 'bout that, Be; I know that I didn't address your original question at all.
I guess I'm in one of those grouchy moods right now, so I was just aching to rant.

I'm afraid that I can't give you any hunting tips, either; I'm not a trapper, either; I'm more of a troller. The advantage of trolling is that even when I don't catch anything, I still got to go on a boat ride!
My point is-- don't approach it like it's some kind of serious exercise. Have fun with it, and to assure that you have fun, remember that rejection is all a part of the game; even James Bond gets rebuffed sometimes.

If you really want to find out how to hunt, I suggest that you look up some interviews with Gene Simmons of KISS. Some may not like him, but nobody can deny that the man gets his share of women. There's really no magic to his mojo (well, except for the tongue thing); it's his confidence, and the fact that he hits on every last woman that he finds attractive, that contribute to his success as a hunter.

yeah hunters really have no shame.. so you can work on that I guess Be :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Be

....i wanna know how to be a hunter from a hunters perspective...i don't really have too many hunters available to me round these parts...but i should'a guess most the fellas round here for trappers....no offence but hunter are usually assholes.....search your feelings you know this to be true....

Why would you want to be like the assholes?

Maybe it's been too long since you've had some freaky sex and you're horny like a mf.

Maybe you're lonely too.

It seems like you already know what it takes to be a hunter by your own observations.

Isn't a trapper a hunter anyhow?

If it's THAT bad, you'll just have to master the art of identifying easy 'prey' - although many of us ladies have been known to hunt as well.

Too bad so many men like to call us bad names when we do that. (They're just ruining it for themselves.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendyful04

If it's THAT bad, you'll just have to master the art of identifying easy 'prey'

I'd say that is (was) more my style of hunting/trapping. :cool: I would test the waters in different places and go for easy prey... sometimes, though, I would be bored and actually hunted for harder to get prey. I was not nearly as good a hunter as I was a trapper/hunter-of-easy-prey. :rolleyes:

A little freaky sex, as Wendy mentioned, goes a long way, though.... *THAT* was worth hunting for back in the day... :D :D :D

As far as pointers go, most of my experience came from going to college parties then parties of friends from work. I imagine NY/NJ is much like Chicago (big city - not like poe-dunk Tampa Florida).

When I was a bachelor in Chicago, I did a bit of clubbing. Definitely found lots of prey... sometimes you're just looking for a nice pair of ta-tas to warm up to - you can find them there.

Concerts - lots of girls haging out together at concerts looking for the guys at the concerts... The headliner kinda tells you who's showing up. You want freaky sex chicks, don't go see Elton John...

Bar hopping scene - Chicago has the famous Rush and Division bar scene... plenty to meet and greet there... folks tend to be in small groups... bring a few friends and plan to stay out until you hit the all night tacoshack at 4 am (every big town has one of those near the bars, don't they?)... plan on several cab rides...

Look for the public events - Chicago does things like Taste of Chicago in downtown Grant Park, Greek Fest, etc, etc. There you can kind of tell if a specific type of person will be there. If you are hunting hot latinas, Cinco de Mayo parties will be it...

Basically - you have go to get out and socialize... troll around and see what's out there *before* sharpening the arrow tips... A good hunter knows his territory... Practice on easy prey at first and then work your way up to full fledged asshole, if you want... ;)

FWIW - the girl I married first - I met in a bar. The woman I married second - met at school, hooked up again 10 years later, have two kids, nice life, etc, etc - and love! The chicks I dated between the two range from romantic, to freaky sex, to "let me tell you about when I had a demon excercised from my body" (gave the best head in the world), etc.

Know what you are hunting for... find out where it is... Maybe you need a trip to Jamaica!!!!! :D :D :D

wow...i can totally relate here...

lil background for the noobs around here.....I have 2 children from the same mother, never married her because i knew it wouldve been for the wrong reason...

basically i was a "trapper" in all of my relationships....put the feelers out and let them come to me...worked quite well, but always managed to land a psycho one.....i began thinking it was me who was in the wrong and psychotic, but every single one of them kept repeating their neurotic behaviors with their new loves...so i found out that basically, the ones that i trapped were just the stupid ones who would wander right into it.......

now comes the woman i am about to marry......i began the whole ordeal with the trapping scenario in mind...ive known her since college....we never dated then, but got reaquainted last year around october.....well...after all that i have been through in relationships...i really got tired of the chase...Sherry was not giving me the time of day, yet would talk to me religiously...i think you all feel me there....anyways....here comes a holiday and i was sick of chasing this woman........so i basically became the hunter overnight.....i clubed her in the head and said your going out with me, and you have no choice in the matter.....now you may think im just saying this, but it was what it took to connect with her...she viewed me in a whole new light (which still freakin amazes me how women can change their views in an instant) hell, her mother even said months before that she should try going out with me.........i knew that one week after we started dating that she was IT!!

so here we are...the first time in my life that i become the hunter and i find my wife....what kind of crap is that??? :) and how odd is it that you put this up Be? I was thinking about this same shit for the last 8 months.....

anyways...advice...i have none....i wish i did, but all i know was i was tired of games..being played by women......put my foot down....donned my hunting gear, loaded the 12 guage and rolled to the woods.......

oh...and Be...thanks for adding a bit more pressure on me..LOL

p.s.....jesus hiero...here you have a ripe thread to make a sheep fucker response..and you pass????? what the hell..getting soft on us??? :)

and i do believe this is the longest ive ever written here...LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief

p.s.....jesus hiero...here you have a ripe thread to make a sheep fucker response..and you pass????? what the hell..getting soft on us??? :)

HAAAA HAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLMAOTMSH!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

Jeeze Chief, you really need to do something about that jiggly-jubblies sig you have.

Too damn distracting...especially with this thread topic.

How the hell are we supposed to get any reading done in your exceptionally long post with those delightful things making suggestive motions down there? I mean, really!

;)

Be...

you speak of being a trapper vs. being a hunter. I say that neither benefits your heart or your mind.

I think a trapper could be more accurately described as a spider. a spider traps the prey in his web. web of cash, or fame, or whatever. you never had a girlfriend before set adrift. i'd say you never had the chance to build any sort of reliable self-esteem...all of a sudden here come women into your life that are interested in you (and our fame etc), and you EAT IT UP. and why not, right? but in truth it doesn't fill the hole that is still waiting to be filled by your own self-esteem. that attention only masks that hole. its like when you fill in a hole in the ground with dirt, and as time goes by the dirt continues to settle and before you know it theres the same hole again.

its true that a deep connection with another person will allow you to find what it is in yourself that you like. BUT as you say, you love to be in love. i have to ask...what do you love more...being in love OR the person you are actually in love with.

you feel like you need to trap women...like a spider. the spider traps its sustinence in the web, but soon enough that spider is hungry again. your lack of self-esteem is like a stomach that never stays full. you feel like you need to "capture" women. i think that is because you feel like you have nothing to offer them...you need to trick them.

and so we come to the hunter...being a hunter also leaves you unfullfilled in the end. so you think you need to hunt the prey of your choice? Be...do you even know what would satisfy you? and i mean emotionally, not physically. who are you? what makes you happy? if you start hunting now, anything you capture would be rooted in ignorance of what your true emotional needs are..leaving you, yet again, empty.

so is there a solution. yes. you need to go back and develop that person that you left behind with the success of Set Adrift. because that person, is inside of you still, and aches to be acknowledged...to be developed...to be wanted. because essentially when you strip away the superficial, you are still that young man.

you have to believe you have something to offer yourself before you will have something to offer to a relationship. a trapper spreads his energy thin in order to cover the most ground...rarely is that energy given back to him. i bet you feel you give alot of energy to people that #1 don't return it and #2 don't truly deserve it. you want people to like you, to want you...so you spin your web, and you get left drained and lonely. when you focus that energy into yourself you become like the infinity symbol...you will always feel the results of the energy you invest because none is lost. your emotional strength becomes a solid foundation to build a loving relationship. right now you are building your house on sand.

imagine that kind of energy turned inward. some people try to fill that void with drugs, or drinking, or women, or food. you need to fill that emptiness with yourself. i think if you invested that kind of energy in yourself you would gain the esteem you need in order to meet the woman of your dreams...the one you never knew you wanted before until you stripped all the baggage of your mind/life/thoughts away and found out who you really were.

i think without your success you ARE good enough. that what you have to say IS important. and that you deserve to be LOVED for who you are. BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT FOR YOURSELF. i also think that a guy like you, with such introspection on most aspects of his life, is very capable of accomplishing this task.

you have my support and love. and if you think i'm full of crap or whatever thats fine too!

Heh heh... I remember when I was all young and idealistic like that. Good times... good times...

Stay gold, Supergirl. Stay g-guhhhh...

Respeck, baby-- I got nuttin' but love foya!

who else is gonna keep the faith around here?!?!

theres a lyric that i really love by Peter Murphy from the song Cuts You Up:

"Move the heart, switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place"

i think it really applies to Be's situation.

as for you, wheeljak...theres hope for you too! :)

im with ya xtrist... the forum has a few idealistic peeps round :)
im on a big break from relationships myself.. its a year now.. getting perspective.. self knowledge.. i had some but not enough before i started off with the serious relationship thing. i need to be stronger next time round

straight up Miss X tell it like it is :D

LOL Wheel.........

the fox is smarter than the hound...

at devouring

Quote:

Originally Posted by HieroHero

the fox is smarter than the hound...

The Hunt-er or the Hunt-ed?

a good hunter dont hunt for the kill a good hunter hunts for the hunt...

all these hunter prey analogies.. tsk

Quote:

Originally Posted by HieroHero

a good hunter dont hunt for the kill a good hunter hunts for the hunt...

I gotta agree with you there... Once I got to know the girl more, I typically got bored and dumped her. I guess I saw myself more as a trapper but my wife was nice enough to remind me what an a$$hole hunter I was... her family was ready to fly from Chicago to FL to kick my butt when I dumped her after a couple of months (heh heh that might have been considered long for me back then).

Anyway, I can relate to the feel of the hunt. Kind of like a constant "I wonder what she is like..." going through my head for many women I saw, pushing me to find out. Once I found out, she was much less interesting than wondering about another... Da Hunt! :D

i don't know, i just can't see how defining yourself in the limited terms of hunter/hunted or trapper, etc, is helpful. maybe i just don't understand or something, but i think Be is asking waaaaaaay more than what he actually typed.

i know maybe i am overly optimistic...but i think what i described earlier is possible. maybe i'm young, but i think you should just as Coz...he's got that kind of relationship that i described earlier. its not just me who has this kind of love!

Quote:

Originally Posted by xtristessax

i don't know, i just can't see how defining yourself in the limited terms of hunter/hunted or trapper, etc, is helpful. maybe i just don't understand or something, but i think Be is asking waaaaaaay more than what he actually typed.

We're talking Maslow's triangle here. A human's primal desires must be satisfied (unless they are consciously denied) before the higher needs can be actively pursued. Sex ranks right down on the bottom rung with food and water. Love is a couple levels up from there.

Quote:

i know maybe i am overly optimistic...but i think what i described earlier is possible. maybe i'm young, but i think you should just as Coz...he's got that kind of relationship that i described earlier. its not just me who has this kind of love!

Kristen, I really don't know how to say this without sounding indelicate, so I'll just spit it out whole:
As much as your boyfriend and you may adore each other, It's just plain impossible for the two of you to share the kind of love that exists between a couple like Coz and Lady E. Remember that the two of them have been married for as long as you've been alive. Most of the people who post here, including you and yours truly, have never been down that road, so it's naturally going to be difficult for us to realize the things they have undoubtedly encountered and endured to get to where they are now.

Ok, I'm posting late, sorry Be - I'm only around sporadically anymore...damn skool...

I totally get what you're saying about the trapping/hunting, and I get it cause I've gone in reverse - I used to hunt, now I trap more. Trapping is chillin and being yourself and seeing if anyone responds to you, hunting is totally targeting your prey and just going after it.

* first rule is HONESTY. But not in a sleezy way. If you see a chick you like, go up to her and be like "hey, I like your vibe, would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?" keep it real. No lines, any woman worth her salt sees a line from like a mile away and says "uh huh, PLAYER" and walks away. Don't be all like "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" unless it's true. HONESTY is real, and people respond to it. And make the first move friendly and public. Coffee, lunch, something in a public place so she doesn't have to think "hmm, is this guy a serial murderer?"

*second rule, most important, is ENTHUSIASM - a lady wants to feel special, she wants to feel like she's on your mind. Fuck all this "play it cool, don't call for three days" bullshit. If you want to hunt a woman, you gotta make her feel special -- CALL HER. Like the next day. Make plans. None of this teasing, "maybe" crap. A desperate woman will hang onto that, cause her self esteem is low enough where "maybe" is enough, but a good woman will be totally turned off. Let her know you're into her, that you want to spend time with her. I know for me, this is the major deal-breaker. If a guy doesn't contact me for days, then I have to wonder how excited he is about me. I know when I'm excited about someone, I want to talk to them, to see them, even just drop a email and say "hey, hope you had a great day today!" Enthusiasm is totally key.

* Third rule: Be selective. If you want to be a successfull hunter, don't go after anything. Sure, the weak, lame ones are the easiest to get, but the meat may be diseased. Set your sights high. Otherwise, you're just trapping in a new format. Think of it like the old skool hunting -- where it would take months of making just the right arrows and spears, and days of hunting, to get that big game. If you want to do it right, it's going to take lots of time and effort, and that's worth it if you end up with what you want, but it's not if you're going to waste your time and supplies on any damn thing that walks by. In the end, that kind of hunting runs out your energy, and you're not going to have enough left to be enthusiastic. Consider that if you want to do this right, it's going to take a lot from you, but you'll get a lot back. So don't be afriad to put a lot into it (see ENTHUSIASM above) but don't waste your precious supplies on something less than what you're going after.

This is my advice, for what it's worth.

Oh, dear. I didn't know we had a dominatrix up in here!
Freee-kay!:D

well, i'd say ask Coz on that one...hes the only one whose actually met my boyfriend and I...and even he was impressed with how close we were. :)

time as a validation of the deepness of love?...i think not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xtristessax

well, i'd say ask Coz on that one...hes the only one whose actually met my boyfriend and I...and even he was impressed with how close we were. :)

time as a validation of the deepness of love?...i think not.

I concur, those 2 definitely have something special. :)

oh thanks man! but check in with us in about 20 years!