Anybody have any tips on how I can get my boyfriend to realize that when I say "I want to spend time with you" it doesn't mean "I want to have sex with you right here right now"?
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Anybody have any tips on how I can get my boyfriend to realize that when I say "I want to spend time with you" it doesn't mean "I want to have sex with you right here right now"?
Nope! :D
try this.... tell him you want to have sex with him, right there, right then, maybe the oppisite will work.
Nope! :D
rotf :confused:
be honest and straight up. if he dont understand hes a bumb ya don't need him
You have to be blunt as hell. And come right out and say...."Look you horney S.O.B. we are not going to have sex today, so do what you got to do, but it aint happenin' " what women fail to realize is even the nicest guy has sex on his mind 95% of the day... Am I right Coz?
Absolutely! :D
Think it'll work? Even with a particularly insistant guy?
*I feel like I'm talking about a cockroach problem*
Nope! :D
Seriously, to give you a serious answer it would help to have a little more info. How old is he, does he live with you, how long have you been together, how often do you do things together, how often do you have sex...? :)
and once coz gets off on that im sure he has some seious questions for you as wellQuote:
Originally Posted by Cozymandias
I'm just suprised that he finally gave up the one word responses. I was beginning to wonder if we need to change his meds.....
:D
woooooaahhhhh...good job guys..keep up the great work...roflmao
you make me so proud..*tear*
Needs and wants work both ways. He wants a ton of physical time and you want a lot more relating time. Try to figure out what your relationship needs to make it work. Does he need to listen to you? Do you need to tell him?Communicate these wants and needs with him. If he doesn't listen to your concerns then your communication is just background noise.
Ahyhizzahoo!
If he does not listen please have the joy to know that you are the total embodiment of a sleek, svelte, virulent sex machine! YEAH! Wait, virulent…that means young and full of strength and vigor, yeah? No…it means poisonous, infectious and prone to cause disease? I should have said virile? Oh my…
I stopped listening a long long time ago...now I can eat a peach for minutes!
See what happens when you try to help?
Forgot 1, what do you guys do when you do things together? Do you go out a lot, do you just stay in and watch TV, do you do a lot of everyday things or do you go on a lot of "dates"?
Maybe another question should be... Why don't YOU want to have sex with HIM right then and there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cozymandias
He's 22, I'm 23. We don't live together, but are considering that option. We've been together for going on 4 years.... He works days, and I work nights so we aren't together a lot, and when we are we don't go out a lot, at least not date like things. The sex question..... varies. Sometimes we go for over a week without, sometimes multiple times in a day. I think the frustration for me is that I'm a giver. What ever he wants he basically gets, and the more I give the more he wants. The more he wants the more I resent giving because I'm not getting what I want. It's just a big ole selfish cycle.
Communication babes...before it snowballs!Quote:
Originally Posted by Is*it*my*turn
just tell him what is on your mind. then there should not be any doubt. communication is the key to any relationship, hope things work out for ya
if I have to tell you to shut up again we're finished...Quote:
Originally Posted by can
ROFLMAO...BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA...Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintHax
OK, this one's pretty ez.Quote:
Originally Posted by Is*it*my*turn
First of all, everybody is absolutely right! Communication is the KEY to ANY relationship. However, it is also important to remember that you don't always speak the same language. If BOTH of you understand that and are willing to speak to each other's sensibilities you should be good. Otherwise, you'll find that you'll talk 'till you're blue in the face, and still come away without a true understanding of what the other was trying to say.
Now in y'all case you're both young and see each other sparingly. This means that you probably think about each other pretty often, and long for the other's company. However, women are emotional creatures while men are physical, so though you both may equally long for each other's company, it's probably for different types of "company".
Your longings may well be a huge part sexual, but definitely a good bit of it is emotional, where you would just like to share some quality time and feelings. His will be much more sexual than anything...especially at his age...and the longing just makes it more intense. So what ends up happening is that since both of you have a good portent of sexual longing, that is what tends to take precedence. However, whereas that satisfies the huge portent of what he's longing for, it still leaves you with a craving for time and affection.
As this trend continues, you constantly going without satisfying that ever growing portent of your needs leads to frustration, and the feeling that you are doing all the giving. If he does not recognize or understand this portent of your needs he will simply believe that you think and feel the same way that he does, that sex makes up the grand majority of what you crave and need, and thus you are or should be as satisfied as he is. This of course will come off as indifference to you, and just increase your frustration, and soon lead to all out anger.
Here is your solution. Explain to him how you feel, but in a manner that he will hear and understand. Get him to realize that the 2 of you are different, and thus have somewhat different needs. Explain to him that though you love sex with him, the fact that you are sorely missing the emotional attention that you crave is stifling it from being all that it could be. Explain to him exactly what you feel is missing, whether it's romance or going out or just spending time and talking and cuddling. And point out to him that if he takes care of these parts of your needs than you will take care of his sexual needs like he wouldn't believe. Believe me, the grand majority of guys just don't understand that there is nothing more wild and freaky than an emotionally satisfied woman!
As for your end, though it's clear from your description that it is you that are not getting all of your needs met, keep in mind that he is at the height of his sexuality, and he probably fantasizes about you all day every day, so try not to torture him too much. :D
Hope that helps! :)
In the words of Janet Jackson....
"What have you done for me lately? oooooooohhhh yeah!!!
He aught to be thankful for the little things, but little thangs is all he seems to give... He always put'n off what ya'll could do today... Soap Opera says you've got one life to live... Who's right who's wrong"
she also said "all my girls at the party look at that body shakin that thing like you never did see got a nice package all right guess im gonna half to ride it tonite" :P
Figures that verse would would stick in your mind Syxx! :D
I communicate my wants and needs! Pretty damn loud and clear I'd say! But he probably just doesn't get it. So I'll try it again. :rolleyes:
Yeah...that's a problem. It takes 2 to communicate or it's background noise like I said. Him not listening is the part that is making you feel the way that you do. We all have that need to be appreciated with our loved ones and when that feeling is lost or buried we tend to put up layers around our emotions and feelings. Pretty sooner than later I'm going to guess that he is going to be working hard at your relationship when you have had enough of what is going on. Just remember that he is not going to know why you are upset or understand it when you explain it to him. It might not hit him untill he loses you. If it were ever to come to something drastic like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Is*it*my*turn
Again, men and women DO NOT THINK ALIKE. What you are saying may not be what he is hearing. This is why I painstakingly laid out a way that you could say it in a manner that he would hear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Is*it*my*turn
You say romance, he thinks sex. You say hang out, he thinks sex. You say talk, he thinks sex. You say chill, he thinks sex. This is the normal mind of the 22 year old male.
If you say romance will get you the REAL sex, THAT he will hear! ;)
^^^^ummmm what he said^^^^^
sex? *looks around the room* where?
Got-cha!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cozymandias
*Little slow on the uptake sometimes*
people who are alike tend to think alike, despite gender issues. my boyfriend and i think alike on most things unrelated to sex...maybe you guys want different things in general.
good luck!
Not what I mean. I'm not talking about the thought, I'm talking about the thought process. You may draw the same conclusions or share the same opinions, but you take different paths to get there. So you think differently. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by xtristessax
point taken. :)
for example.....
world hunger....sad.......sex
depression....sad......sex
happy......happy...sex
hearing don ho on a turntable....irritated....sex...
get the flow?
I'm sorry all I saw was sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chief