I am so goddamn sick of psycho chicks!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress M

Many years ago, I had a habit of dating alcoholics. Some of them I kinda knew when I started dating them they were alcoholics. Some of them were "dry drunks" when we hooked up and I didn't find out until much later. But for some weird reason, alcoholics were just attracted to me.

The last guy I dated who was an alcoholic was trying to get clean, and was going to AA meetings. In a show of support, I thought I'd try Al-Anon (the support group for the families of alcoholics). Everyone went around, told a little bit about why they were there, and then it was my turn. So I said how my bf was an alcoholic and was in AA etc etc. And people's heads started shaking.

Finally one woman said to me: "What you need to find out is why you are here. I'm here because it's my son. She's here because it's her father. He's here because it's his wife who he has 4 kids with. But you, you're just dating him. Why are you here?"

Well, I was fucking indignant. In my head I was all like "Fuck you! I'm here to try to be supportive and you're basically telling me I should just dump him? That I have no right to be here?! WTF?!"

But eventually, a month or two later, it hit me: they WERE right. It's not that "alcoholics are attracted to me" -- *I* was the common denominator. *I* (consciously, or subconsciously) was choosing to be with alcoholics. I saw all the signs everytime, and chose to ignore it, brush it off, make excuses. And then, when I couldn't ignore it anymore, I still stayed around.

So I decided: Ok, instead of asking why alcoholics are attracted to me, I think I need to go to therapy and find out why *I'M* attracted to alcoholics.

Best decision I ever made. Five years later, not only can I spot the alcoholics from a mile away, but none of them have been stupid enough to hit on me.

So my question to you: Why are you here?

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Etherspin

they always pursued me..(the weird ones)

:nono: I seem to remember somebody moving clear to the other side of the world to be with a crazy woman with viciously violent tendencies. :nope:

man.. she came out to australia to pursue me, knowing I had been planning to move to england and was saving up for a year... sure i didnt spot it when i should have but she pulled deception on everyone in her life remarkably well, and its easy to make someone think you have things in common when you've read archives of their online conversations with other people and have gained access to the email accounts of their family and friends..

on the christmas preceding me moving over with her (went over in march 02) she had a weird ass melt down..
I overlooked it.. she had been away from home for a year.. and she was still carrying the fact she was abused as a little kid..

thought i could help her somehow.. (first relationship naivety)

anyway.. i can in fact spot that tendency in people now i think !!!

hopefully im more savvy :D

you still have a point tho Coz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress M

.

Five years later, not only can I spot the alcoholics from a mile away, but none of them have been stupid enough to hit on me.

How do you spot an alchoholic? Everyone I know likes to get completely zonked. Some of them only do it a few times a year, some every month or two, some every week or two and some all the time. So which scenario makes one an alcoholic?

I'm not being a smartass, I've just never consciously looked for alcoholic traits in a person.

Also, what about those who go through brief periods of alcoholism? For example, the person who can drink like a fish for a month or two and then *primarily lays off the hooch for 3 or 4+ months?

*an occasional, single drink and no more

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrEEtheRealest

As long as you are attracted to girls..there is no way out of the psycho thing.

:clap:

hit the nail on the head with that one

So now, on to deciding which type of psycho you'd prefer, Ether....

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendyful04

How do you spot an alchoholic? Everyone I know likes to get completely zonked. Some of them only do it a few times a year, some every month or two, some every week or two and some all the time. So which scenario makes one an alcoholic?

I'm not being a smartass, I've just never consciously looked for alcoholic traits in a person.

Also, what about those who go through brief periods of alcoholism? For example, the person who can drink like a fish for a month or two and then *primarily lays off the hooch for 3 or 4+ months?

*an occasional, single drink and no more

It's actually not about the drinking, per se, it's a personality type. It's kinda hard to explain entirely: it's like, do you ever have situations where you meet someone and they just remind you of someone else, even though they look/ speak/ are completely UNLIKE the other person, they somehow just remind you of someone anyway? Like one time, I met a girl and she just distinctly reminded me of a friend I used to have that I stopped being friends with because she had some serious jealousy issues (like she had to buy exactly what I had, or tried to steal my boyfriends, that kind of stuff). Now this new person I met was nothing like the old friend in any obvious way, but I just couldn't shake the vibe, and so I never got real close to her. Turned out, the new girl was a really jealous type too, screwed over a mutual friend in very similar ways that the old friend has done to me. Something in my subconscious picked up on that, and was warning me about her, which is why it associated her with that old friend.

So, it was really about figuring out: ok, what are common characteristics of alcoholics (which tend to be: people who are over-sensitive to the world and have not found good coping mechanisms, low self-esteem [often coupled with either over-compensation, or OCD disorders], selfishness, skewed priorities, and co-dependent behavior) and why am I attracted to these characteristics (my dad wasn't an alcoholic, but he had a personality disorder so he had all these same characteristics, and my parents had a co-dependent marriage). Once I got all that sorted out, and fixed the reasons as to why I wanted to replicate this pattern (my own self-esteem problems, wanting to "help" or "fix" someone in order to make myself feel like a worthwhile person, being co-dependent, etc) then I started noticing I was more sensitive to seeing these traits in the men I selected.

At first, I'd start dating someone, start noticing things, and then make the active decision not to continue -- the initial attraction was still there, but I could consciously see why, and make a conscious choice not to continue. Then, over time, with more self-healing, I stopped being attracted and started getting more revulsed, and the consciousness came quicker -- like I'd have a polite conversation with someone and that gut feeling of *Warning* would happen, and I'd skedaddle. I can't always explain WHY or what exactly it is, but there's an association my mind makes now that says: "This person has too many issues for us, move on."

So, it's not exactly about spotting "alcoholics" per se, but about people who share similar personaility traits with alcoholics, which is really the problem anyway. But I just found overall, that the more I worked to fix myself and the less fucked up *I* became, the less attracted I've become to people who are fucked up and also the less likely that those people hit on me anyway -- because they have their own internal radars, and they're looking for a woman who has the low-self-esteem and issues I used to have, and so they find me less attractive, too.

Make sense? :think: