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Jeeze Chief, you really need to do something about that jiggly-jubblies sig you have.
Too damn distracting...especially with this thread topic.
How the hell are we supposed to get any reading done in your exceptionally long post with those delightful things making suggestive motions down there? I mean, really!
;)
Be...
you speak of being a trapper vs. being a hunter. I say that neither benefits your heart or your mind.
I think a trapper could be more accurately described as a spider. a spider traps the prey in his web. web of cash, or fame, or whatever. you never had a girlfriend before set adrift. i'd say you never had the chance to build any sort of reliable self-esteem...all of a sudden here come women into your life that are interested in you (and our fame etc), and you EAT IT UP. and why not, right? but in truth it doesn't fill the hole that is still waiting to be filled by your own self-esteem. that attention only masks that hole. its like when you fill in a hole in the ground with dirt, and as time goes by the dirt continues to settle and before you know it theres the same hole again.
its true that a deep connection with another person will allow you to find what it is in yourself that you like. BUT as you say, you love to be in love. i have to ask...what do you love more...being in love OR the person you are actually in love with.
you feel like you need to trap women...like a spider. the spider traps its sustinence in the web, but soon enough that spider is hungry again. your lack of self-esteem is like a stomach that never stays full. you feel like you need to "capture" women. i think that is because you feel like you have nothing to offer them...you need to trick them.
and so we come to the hunter...being a hunter also leaves you unfullfilled in the end. so you think you need to hunt the prey of your choice? Be...do you even know what would satisfy you? and i mean emotionally, not physically. who are you? what makes you happy? if you start hunting now, anything you capture would be rooted in ignorance of what your true emotional needs are..leaving you, yet again, empty.
so is there a solution. yes. you need to go back and develop that person that you left behind with the success of Set Adrift. because that person, is inside of you still, and aches to be acknowledged...to be developed...to be wanted. because essentially when you strip away the superficial, you are still that young man.
you have to believe you have something to offer yourself before you will have something to offer to a relationship. a trapper spreads his energy thin in order to cover the most ground...rarely is that energy given back to him. i bet you feel you give alot of energy to people that #1 don't return it and #2 don't truly deserve it. you want people to like you, to want you...so you spin your web, and you get left drained and lonely. when you focus that energy into yourself you become like the infinity symbol...you will always feel the results of the energy you invest because none is lost. your emotional strength becomes a solid foundation to build a loving relationship. right now you are building your house on sand.
imagine that kind of energy turned inward. some people try to fill that void with drugs, or drinking, or women, or food. you need to fill that emptiness with yourself. i think if you invested that kind of energy in yourself you would gain the esteem you need in order to meet the woman of your dreams...the one you never knew you wanted before until you stripped all the baggage of your mind/life/thoughts away and found out who you really were.
i think without your success you ARE good enough. that what you have to say IS important. and that you deserve to be LOVED for who you are. BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT FOR YOURSELF. i also think that a guy like you, with such introspection on most aspects of his life, is very capable of accomplishing this task.
you have my support and love. and if you think i'm full of crap or whatever thats fine too!
Heh heh... I remember when I was all young and idealistic like that. Good times... good times...
Stay gold, Supergirl. Stay g-guhhhh...
Respeck, baby-- I got nuttin' but love foya!
who else is gonna keep the faith around here?!?!
theres a lyric that i really love by Peter Murphy from the song Cuts You Up:
"Move the heart, switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place"
i think it really applies to Be's situation.
as for you, wheeljak...theres hope for you too! :)
im with ya xtrist... the forum has a few idealistic peeps round :)
im on a big break from relationships myself.. its a year now.. getting perspective.. self knowledge.. i had some but not enough before i started off with the serious relationship thing. i need to be stronger next time round
straight up Miss X tell it like it is :D
LOL Wheel.........
the fox is smarter than the hound...
at devouring
The Hunt-er or the Hunt-ed?Quote:
Originally Posted by HieroHero
a good hunter dont hunt for the kill a good hunter hunts for the hunt...
all these hunter prey analogies.. tsk
I gotta agree with you there... Once I got to know the girl more, I typically got bored and dumped her. I guess I saw myself more as a trapper but my wife was nice enough to remind me what an a$$hole hunter I was... her family was ready to fly from Chicago to FL to kick my butt when I dumped her after a couple of months (heh heh that might have been considered long for me back then).Quote:
Originally Posted by HieroHero
Anyway, I can relate to the feel of the hunt. Kind of like a constant "I wonder what she is like..." going through my head for many women I saw, pushing me to find out. Once I found out, she was much less interesting than wondering about another... Da Hunt! :D
i don't know, i just can't see how defining yourself in the limited terms of hunter/hunted or trapper, etc, is helpful. maybe i just don't understand or something, but i think Be is asking waaaaaaay more than what he actually typed.
i know maybe i am overly optimistic...but i think what i described earlier is possible. maybe i'm young, but i think you should just as Coz...he's got that kind of relationship that i described earlier. its not just me who has this kind of love!
We're talking Maslow's triangle here. A human's primal desires must be satisfied (unless they are consciously denied) before the higher needs can be actively pursued. Sex ranks right down on the bottom rung with food and water. Love is a couple levels up from there.Quote:
Originally Posted by xtristessax
Kristen, I really don't know how to say this without sounding indelicate, so I'll just spit it out whole:Quote:
i know maybe i am overly optimistic...but i think what i described earlier is possible. maybe i'm young, but i think you should just as Coz...he's got that kind of relationship that i described earlier. its not just me who has this kind of love!
As much as your boyfriend and you may adore each other, It's just plain impossible for the two of you to share the kind of love that exists between a couple like Coz and Lady E. Remember that the two of them have been married for as long as you've been alive. Most of the people who post here, including you and yours truly, have never been down that road, so it's naturally going to be difficult for us to realize the things they have undoubtedly encountered and endured to get to where they are now.
Ok, I'm posting late, sorry Be - I'm only around sporadically anymore...damn skool...
I totally get what you're saying about the trapping/hunting, and I get it cause I've gone in reverse - I used to hunt, now I trap more. Trapping is chillin and being yourself and seeing if anyone responds to you, hunting is totally targeting your prey and just going after it.
* first rule is HONESTY. But not in a sleezy way. If you see a chick you like, go up to her and be like "hey, I like your vibe, would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime?" keep it real. No lines, any woman worth her salt sees a line from like a mile away and says "uh huh, PLAYER" and walks away. Don't be all like "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" unless it's true. HONESTY is real, and people respond to it. And make the first move friendly and public. Coffee, lunch, something in a public place so she doesn't have to think "hmm, is this guy a serial murderer?"
*second rule, most important, is ENTHUSIASM - a lady wants to feel special, she wants to feel like she's on your mind. Fuck all this "play it cool, don't call for three days" bullshit. If you want to hunt a woman, you gotta make her feel special -- CALL HER. Like the next day. Make plans. None of this teasing, "maybe" crap. A desperate woman will hang onto that, cause her self esteem is low enough where "maybe" is enough, but a good woman will be totally turned off. Let her know you're into her, that you want to spend time with her. I know for me, this is the major deal-breaker. If a guy doesn't contact me for days, then I have to wonder how excited he is about me. I know when I'm excited about someone, I want to talk to them, to see them, even just drop a email and say "hey, hope you had a great day today!" Enthusiasm is totally key.
* Third rule: Be selective. If you want to be a successfull hunter, don't go after anything. Sure, the weak, lame ones are the easiest to get, but the meat may be diseased. Set your sights high. Otherwise, you're just trapping in a new format. Think of it like the old skool hunting -- where it would take months of making just the right arrows and spears, and days of hunting, to get that big game. If you want to do it right, it's going to take lots of time and effort, and that's worth it if you end up with what you want, but it's not if you're going to waste your time and supplies on any damn thing that walks by. In the end, that kind of hunting runs out your energy, and you're not going to have enough left to be enthusiastic. Consider that if you want to do this right, it's going to take a lot from you, but you'll get a lot back. So don't be afriad to put a lot into it (see ENTHUSIASM above) but don't waste your precious supplies on something less than what you're going after.
This is my advice, for what it's worth.
Oh, dear. I didn't know we had a dominatrix up in here!
Freee-kay!:D
well, i'd say ask Coz on that one...hes the only one whose actually met my boyfriend and I...and even he was impressed with how close we were. :)
time as a validation of the deepness of love?...i think not.
I concur, those 2 definitely have something special. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by xtristessax
oh thanks man! but check in with us in about 20 years!