Cozmo D
02-22-2004, 12:51 AM
Yankees sign Jesus Christ to Play Second Base
(AP) 2/19/2004, 18:57
Bronx, NY -
The New York Yankees announced they have acquired the rights to
Jesus Christ and that Christ has agreed to give up his seat at the
right hand of the Father to play second base for the Bronx Bombers.
The signing was announced at a press conference tonight in New York.
The addition of Christ to the Yankees lineup gives them another
potent bat and solid defense up the middle. In order to acquire
Christ, the Yankees found the last remaining Yankee fan who had not
already sold his soul to the devil and offered him to the eternal
saviour. According to details from the office of Commissioner Bud
Selig, God agreed to pay the Yankees an additional three billion
dollars in the deal in exchange for the soul of that fan, Vinny
DeGregorio of Staten Island, NY.
In a conference call with the media, Selig said that normally, he
would block a deal where so much cash was involved, but that "...
something really strange happened. The potted shrub in my office
burst into flames and a voice from within the flames told me to OK
this deal. What was I supposed to do?"
Yankees fans surveyed in the Big Apple are naturally ecstatic about
the deal. "I've always said that Yankee Stadium was like heaven on
earth, and now it's true", said Mario Alborgetti of Yonkers, NY.
The enthusiasm and natural fit for Christ in pinstripes was summed
up by former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani. "I would have
gladly offered my own soul to get Christ in a Yankee uniform, but
sadly I sold my soul to Satan years ago." Giuliani added, "The best
part about this is that Yankees fans have been yelling Jesus
Christ's name from the stands for years, so it's not like we'll have
to learn a new chant like we did for that Matsui guy last year."
(AP) 2/19/2004, 18:57
Bronx, NY -
The New York Yankees announced they have acquired the rights to
Jesus Christ and that Christ has agreed to give up his seat at the
right hand of the Father to play second base for the Bronx Bombers.
The signing was announced at a press conference tonight in New York.
The addition of Christ to the Yankees lineup gives them another
potent bat and solid defense up the middle. In order to acquire
Christ, the Yankees found the last remaining Yankee fan who had not
already sold his soul to the devil and offered him to the eternal
saviour. According to details from the office of Commissioner Bud
Selig, God agreed to pay the Yankees an additional three billion
dollars in the deal in exchange for the soul of that fan, Vinny
DeGregorio of Staten Island, NY.
In a conference call with the media, Selig said that normally, he
would block a deal where so much cash was involved, but that "...
something really strange happened. The potted shrub in my office
burst into flames and a voice from within the flames told me to OK
this deal. What was I supposed to do?"
Yankees fans surveyed in the Big Apple are naturally ecstatic about
the deal. "I've always said that Yankee Stadium was like heaven on
earth, and now it's true", said Mario Alborgetti of Yonkers, NY.
The enthusiasm and natural fit for Christ in pinstripes was summed
up by former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani. "I would have
gladly offered my own soul to get Christ in a Yankee uniform, but
sadly I sold my soul to Satan years ago." Giuliani added, "The best
part about this is that Yankees fans have been yelling Jesus
Christ's name from the stands for years, so it's not like we'll have
to learn a new chant like we did for that Matsui guy last year."