I must apologise to ya'll

[Be]

i haven't really been able to post ...i've been trying to..

on the real...this depression is really kikin my ass....i just don't feel good about anything....i almost can't get up outta the bed in the evening....this really sux...i was hoping for some advice from coz but go figure...he took the week off...everytime i see that zanex commercial with the sad lil bubbles i wanna throw up.

i simply just do not want to be alive...if i gotta keep feelin this way....does anyone have any advice or medication that they could recomend....i am truly @the end of my rope

b

[ChrisLDog]

Jeez, Be! Cheer up man! What about your family? At the very least, if you don't want to keep going for yourself, isn't Christian worth it??? And Jarrett?

Another thing I've noticed about artists is they usually have their most meaningful and inspired work when they're feeling down. How about pouring out your heart into some songs. Not necessarily for putting out a record, but jsut for a release?

I don't know, man. That propably didn't help, but you know your life the best. What are the things that you care about that kept you going before?

And I certainly don't need an apology from you. You already do way more for your fans than any artist I can think of.

[DJ Detroit Butcher]

Right on. Yeah first off you don't owe anyone here an apology for not posting on a damn message board.

I gotta also agree with the idea that, have you tried just putting it all on wax, for your own mind, not for anyone else to hear? ... eh you prolly have, thats where fucked music came from right?

It's hard to discuss it without knowing whats really bothering you, not that that's anyone here's business.

There's gotta be another avenue for you. I've felt like ending it all a buncha times but I guess I never had the balls to do it, so in this world I remain, just tryin everyday to make something of myself and make Jah happy.

Do you feel that Jah is not listening? Are the sentiments of Be bastard all too true? Are you just tired of critic's reviews running through your head? (I always dug your raps but whatever) ... Girl troubles? What's on your mind?

I'm trying to keep it light, I don't mean any disrespect. Medication? I heard Xanax is supposed to be tight but watch out for the comedown. You're past the point where some kind herb is any help, aren't you?

"Welcome to: no amount of stoned makes you feel ok" -- ani difranco

As you said, you're sitting in the house that the backstreet boys paid for. Yet you're not happy. Money ain't everything, it's true, and I think you know that, so I wonder if it's a deeper problem than a lot of people would think.

If you have nobody else to talk to, damn. Write back. Shit, Message me and I'll give you my phone number. If nothing else, I can be a non-judgemental ear. Whatever.

[SaintHax]

Hang in there Be :sad:

[dreamrib]

you to ride it out. I'm by no means going to sit here & say you'll be ok, etc,etc because noone ever wants to hear that.

We've all been there, and the strangest things can bring you out of it. We as friends are here, not so much fans, or at least I know i feel that way.

Lifes a total SOB sometimes. You have to reach the point that You want to make it change, or else its the same cycle,.

use your family & friends as sounding boards & advise...you might be surprised as what you get.....

Much love!

[Louis85]

If you have the means, Be, just get away from everything and do something you've never done before in a place you've never been before. Take a week off and go to a nice island somewhere. Go with someone whose presence makes you happy. If no one comes to mind, go by yourself. And when you go, take only the things that give you pleasure. Sounds like you're in a rut. Happens to us all. To get out of that rut, you need a good change of scenery. Dig?

Cheer up man. We are all pulling for you! :rock:

Louis

[carlessman]

who's to say if you really need to do anything, be? just exist through the feeling and hope for the best. it's like losing a love or getting embaressed. i goes away when it and you are ready.

plant a garden, watch it grow
between here and there you will know
how it becomes, where it goes
they who sow
flow

[sdldawn]

C'mon Be.. There is no reason for an apology. I hope u get it together soon.. Everyday is a new day, and ure a lucky and talented guy.

[Etherspin]

Try reading some stories from your past , even stuff that warmed your heart as a kid , or even stories that have sad but beautiful parts ..
allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum , and remind yourself that the whole spectrum is out there..

helps me sometimes.

[Hero1]

dont underestimate happiness if theres 1 tiny little thing that makes u happy amongst all the bullshit hold on to that

[syxxpm]

....dont......

[Terrick]

in this situation i'd normally say, "listen to some pm dawn. it usually works for me." But anyway, you shouldn't be sorry. We're lucky to even have you on here at all. Just get better soon, k?

[Harmeister]

<stand up to podium>
Since Coz isn't here I'll do a little preachin (albeit probably to the choir).

There have been some times in my life that have really really really sucked. The thing that kept me going, actually, was reading books. I would consume anything that would interest me: religion (most people can't say they've actually read the bible through cover to cover. kinda boring, actually, but that was my goal anyways), fantasy, sci-fi, whatever. Fantasy and sci-fi were the best, I think, because it was so completely not my world.

As I got on in life (ie older) I've turned my creative juices to other avenues. I'm addicted to writing software. I do it for a living, and a hobby. I know that it kind of annoys my wife, but there's not much I can do about it...

If you want to just get away from it all, come up here to Boston for a visit. It's a different world up here (believe me). I'm totally serious, man. If you just need to get away from it all hop on a train or a bus for a few hours up to Boston. I'll pick you up and take you wherever you need (or want) or we can go wherever I need (or want). I can cook you up some tasty grub, whatever.

Just remember that we all care about you, even if it is in our own distorted little ways.
</stands down from podium>

[Tybris]

There aren't any drugs to make things right, no bandaids to cover up the pain, and few words that calm your mind or sooth your heart. There is only you, your thoughts, and knowledge that there are people that care about and love you, your friends and family. And we all know there are times when even those things don't seem to matter enough to change the way you feel, but you go on. You go on when you don't want to, because you have to, because ending things isn't an option, when there are those that you can't survive if you're not around to fend for them. Many of us have been in that place as you've read, you're not alone in feelings, but we can't pretend to know what you're going through, but are always ready to lend an ear if you wanted to talk. Keep on keepin on.

[filmwizdaddy]

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU BE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wouldn't be on this forum if it wasn't for your inspiration.......honestly

Honestly prozac could help.....I have taken it before and i may help..........Not to get you addicted to anything.


Hang in their I have been there before BUD!!!!!!!!!!! :wink:

[fd]

I don't know if prozac would help or not, when I was really depressed I was on it but I still felt like shit. Suddenly I woke up one morning and felt fine and I don't think it had anything to do with the prozac . I still get depressed sometimes but nowhere near as bad as then.

[Hero1]

real depression is actually a sickness though right..not enough people talk about depression i think..its a bigger problem than people think..

[fd]

Well I had nothing to be depressed about which made it even weirder.

My dad died the following year and alough the feelings I had were different and alough it kills me to say it I didnt feel as bad then as I did when I was down for no reason. Thats how bad I felt.

And the fact there was no reason behind it made it worse cause it was like there was nothing to fix or nothing to come to terms with or combat.

That really scared me because I felt like there was no way out and some days it almost felt like my whole individuality was dissapearing and I was forgetting who I was.

But just as quick as it came, it suddenly went and everything was back to normal. I guess im kinda a depressive person anyway but the transition was so obvious it was like I had been a prisoner and had suddenly been freed.

I just get scared when I feel down that it will come back, maybe that's why I didn't feel as bad when my pops went cause my defences where turned up to maximum.

But I generally think it's matter of time before you feel better again, it's almost like your feelings get ill and after a while go back to normal like if you have a sore throat or summin and it pisses you off and then one morning its gone.

still, I'm no expert and don't want to be really

The whole subject is so.............whats the word?

[Hero1]

so nothing actually happened to make u feel better fd?

[fd]

not a thing

I just woke up and for the first time in 6 months I felt hungry and after a while it occured to me that I wasnt in a state of complete despair and I just laughed out loud and that was it.

[Cozmo D]

[size=24]I WILL BE CALLING YOU ALL DAY SO ANSWER YOUR FUKKIN PHONE!!!

If you'd rather, email me your address and I will come down, or meet you wherever you are! cozmo-d@nyc.rr.com

Ben

[Elizabeth]

The thing about depression is [from what I've experienced]... you're either in an easily saved state, or an easily damned state. Forgive the religious connotations to my speech. What I mean is...

If you're easily saved, all I have to do is tell you how great you are, how great the world is, how much I love you and how much you are cared for... and that would be enough to stop the dread of sinking below pure consciousness.

If you're easily damned, you'll think everything I'm saying is BS and that the world is out to get you or hates you or doesn't even matter anyway. That nothing matters. You won't see the beauty in anything. If this is you, then it's either bend or break. I can give you my hand to pull you up, or we can dope you up with all kinds of drugs... but it's you that's gotta "come to" and realize the Truth... So, it's bend or break. And it's only a matter of time. No one else can save you but you.

much love to you. I hope it's bend and not break, because you're so so special... to me, to all of us (I'm sure). I thought you might like to know that both Dawn and Venus (<= much to Joshua's dismay) are still in the running for baby name considerations.

Love and Peace,
Elizabeth


PS-- if it's break and not bend, just remember that you'll have to learn the same damn lesson again... and we'll see you again when you're ready. :wave: